Moms are notorious for beating ourselves up because we always have the mom guilt haunting us- whether it be failing The Perfect Mom department or not giving enough time to our Little Ones. I mostly suffer the “not giving enough time”-tis.
Juggling being a mom, a fiancee, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a freelancer, building networks and processing something (which I will reveal in time) is quite a handful.
To paint you the picture – I’m usually out of the house whether to build a network or taking care of the thing that I’m currently processing.
If I am in the house, I’m on my laptop or phone to get tasks done with my online business.
It is unfortunate to say that I often feel the mom guilt, no matter how hard I try not to.
I find myself questioning “Am I being a good mom to Saehee?”
“Am I being the kind of mom that my kid needs me to be?”
Well, I just had my answer two nights ago.
Saehee just randomly told me (sharing to you our conversation), ” Mommy, you’re the best mommy ever!”
ME: “really, baby?”
S: “yes, mommy. Even though you’re always leaving the house for your meetings (she calls all appointments “meetings”), I still love you. Even though you’re always on your laptop or your phone to work stuff, you’re still the best mom ever!”
Those sounded like music to this momma’s ears!
That same night, in bed, I reflected on her remarks and what I would have possibly done right for her to still think of her mom that way (hello, mom guilt!).
And I’m sharing those in this blog post.
I always explain things to her even though sometimes I’m unsure if her young mind would comprehend, I still go for it anyway.
I tell her that the way I get money for us is giving my services to my clients online.
That’s why mommy has to be on her laptop or her phone to do tasks that would later give us the money that we need to do things and buy stuff.
The key to this is to explain in the most simple way that you can and be more specific by giving examples if it needs to be [done].
Involve them in your tasks whenever possible
Kids (mostly Little Ones) love it when they’re involved in mommy or daddy’s task.
Whenever I write, she also sees that. The way that I get her involved with this is I ask her opinion on topics that might involve her like parenting or just being a kid.
And, I’ll casually tell her things about social media – like pros and cons of it, the responsible ways of using it etc.
Again, explaining it in the simplest way that I can.
Whether it be the satisfaction or fulfillment that they get doing grown-up stuff or they love the bonding that they can have with mom or dad – either way, it’s all good!
It also makes them understand more where you’re coming from when you explain to them what and why you do things to earn your income.
Quality time over Quantity time
Like I said, I don’t get to spend a lot of time with Saehee over the weekdays (even on summer vacations) unlike most stay at home moms do. But when I do, I make sure that she’s the focus!
No phones allowed so we can actually just enjoy each other’s company.
I would take her to the nearest convenience store in our area most of the time and we’ll bond over ice cream while we talk about us, random things or just making funny facial expressions and laugh our heads off!
I might whip out my phone to do an Instagram story but once it’s done, it’s being put on the back burner again.
We also like to read her books together, coloring books, watercolor painting etc.
When we do involve a phone or a laptop, it’s to watch movies or YouTube videos together.
I also recently implemented a “no phone on the table” policy when we’re eating.
Aside from the fact that we can truly savor the food that we eat, it also enables us to actually talk to each other and not put our focus on our phones.
Shower them with affection
Kids thrive on affection, especially from their parents. It is the only language that gives them the message of love when they still can’t understand words and its meaning.
It is the security blanket that lets them know that although mommy or daddy is busy, we love them very much and we’re doing this for their bright future.
I am naturally affectionate to Saehee.
I’d always hug her, kiss her or stop what I’m doing to tell her that mommy loves her very much.
I know that not all of us are wired with affection or are not comfortable showing it, but I think that our Little Ones should be given a little bit of effort on this.
Besides, science supports the idea that warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes for those children.
Over to You
I realized that we feel mom guilt because subconsciously, we know that there’s still something more that we can do to be better moms to our kids.
For this, I think it is a good check on us.
A little nudge to mom, if you will.
Mom guilt is a waste of mental energy if you focus on it (especially too much).
I questioned myself as a mom when my kid has this overflowing love and affection for me.
I also realized that we, moms, don’t give ourselves enough credit even when it’s due.
How do you battle the feeling of mom guilt?